I hate you

 Ma... I am unable to sleep.... I am irritated with everything he does.... simply cant even see him.... 

To you my husband...

Why would would just stop using me for sex.... even if it is fever, you would your hands under my inners to check temperature... and you think you are checking temperature... do the hell you know what i think of you... cant you even keep your hands off when i am unwell... yes, I dont have interest in sex.... and sec with a man whose tummy is 2 feet away from his body? For some reason, I just cant... And do you know, i just cant bear men snoring so loud even in train! and you ! snore and fart so loudly and ask me a hundred times, why i am not sexually into you.....

Yes, I am not into sex that too oral sex, handjobs, blowjobs, yuck yuck yuck... But I have a dream man... Oh yeah I am serious, I do have... I am just 34 and my hormones are still there if not active...

Every morning, I wake up, I see sleeping besides my me or kids sleeping flat chested and silently in night pants and T-shhirt..... Oh yeah, he does go to office and changes back his clothes after coming back....

I see him everyday kissing me on my forehead with his hands gently around my cheeks... There is nothing hidden between us and we share eye to eye contact for those few seconds.... He just looks into my eyes and kisses my forehead or the cheek... no rubbing bum, pressing the chest or put his saliva into my mouth... Even if he is so excited, he would press his lips on mine... the smell, of his mouth I find refreshing.... Oral care is more important you see for me.... Everytime he leaves home, he makes me smile. I send him off and should I be busy with chores, he ensures to close the door and leave. I make sure we have coffee together in the morning, something that I love.... ask my friends, how much I would have told them on why I would have my morning coffee with my husband..... 

I love him... the most when he calls me at about 10.00 to check if I had my breakfast.... I always make sure I cook for him as he doesnt eat out.... 

My man who keep up his time

My man who would keep up his promise

My man who would just love me....

I have made mistakes in my life, and so I entered this married life that I will give my best love to my man and I do that religiously to that dream man with whom I have started living in the past few years... Because I have taken sheltered in this man, I talk to him...

Please might take dhanush's last movie as a movie, but I know what the girl goes through.... I am fed up of changing you... So I have changed myself to fall in love with this dream person.... Trust me, these days, I frequently get dreams of the real you having sex with someone and that I decide to leave you but manage to stay under the same roof for the kids.... I take refugee in my man that I am okay with everything that happens in my life... 

Not even sure, where all this is taking me too... But for now, to kill my loneliness, girls, amma and daddy and my man are good to go...

When you have made yourself indebted to your mother for the last few months, time I rearrange my world...

Stay Strong Girl.... Sleep now and come back tomorrow with a list of blessing that Ma has showered on you.